Lately we've found so much freedom to dream about what our next steps should be, what we want life to look and feel like and what we want to do. And once the honeymoon phase of dreaming starts to wane, the overwhelm of doing sets in.
Sometimes, this manifests in paralysis and fear.
But often, we switch instead to a sort of manic survival mode. (Does that sound too serious? Because it's really more comical...) Both Adam and I become YES people. And, wow, we are good at saying yes. Adam says yes in very tangible ways to actual obligations on the calendar. I say yes in subtle ways.
Yes to control. Yes to perfectionism. Yes to being what everyone else needs.
Yes to the to-do list. Yes to comparison. Yes to anxious thoughts.
Yes to staying busy to numb feelings.
Yes to doing nothing, like intentionally doing nothing, to numb feelings.
Woah. Seeing those things listed out is making me cringe. But I do it.
Not only could those things sabotage these beautiful dreams I have, but if I go too far down that rabbit hole, they could break me down.
We spiraled down pretty fast, didn't we? Oops. That's my Four showing.
Now to the practical side of things. With my Rodan + Fields business comes a wealth of training and information put together by amazing leaders in the company. It's an incredible job perk that has sparked so much growth in me this past year. These questions have been on my mind, and a training I took part in this week pulled it all together for me.
What do you spend your time on?
Of those things, which drain you and distract you from life, creativity, and relationships?
Which are life-giving?
What needs to be added, taken away or changed to give your life more balance?
Picture arrows pointing away from you, each representing something that takes your time and energy. Then, picture arrows pointing toward you, representing the things that fill you up. Some things will have arrows pointing in both directions. For me, marriage and parenting require a lot from me (arrows out) but they also bring me life (arrows in). How do you find balance between the two? Where do changes need to be made?
With that visual in hand- because I scribbled several pages of diagrams and lists, per usual- I began to see clearly where I am saying YES and getting nothing in return. I also saw, in a pretty vulnerable moment, the places I was saying NO, NO, NO: Relationships that bring me joy and light. Self-care and rest. Moments of freedom to just laugh and goof off. While I was busy being a crazy person in survival mode, I left no room for those good gifts. They got crowded out!
I need to create space for the good and life-giving. Not as a way to serve myself, but if there is room for the good, there is room for me to grow and serve and love even more.
Ok, so it's your turn. Take out a piece of paper sometime, draw those arrows and make those changes! I hope this is a helpful exercise for you too.
